My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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