Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
