Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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