Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
