THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
