i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I should be sponsored by Trojan
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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