Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
