i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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