Your face is a jimmy john
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
