Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
