we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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