Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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