i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
