you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
