..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize