Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
