tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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