I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
