u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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