after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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