Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
