he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
