butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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