Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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