She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
