Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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