spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
