Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
