I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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