I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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