There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize