I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
