I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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