That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
