you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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