i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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