her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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