dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
