how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
