this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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