That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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