just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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