you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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