So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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