I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
