2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
