Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
