I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm passing your future prison.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
40s are totally the cure
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
