question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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