I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
