Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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