I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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