Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
