I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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