sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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