Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
