So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
