Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
