I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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