It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
