i think my tv is drunk
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
