Just fell off a train. Bad.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
