you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
