ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
