OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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