sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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