I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize