I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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