I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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